<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Ten for a bird you don't want to miss by Kaerutsuki</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101335">Ten for a bird you don't want to miss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaerutsuki/pseuds/Kaerutsuki'>Kaerutsuki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaerutsuki/pseuds/Kaerutsuki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's fucking hard for me to love and commit to you when you... you..!"<br/>"Act like you don't even exist?"<br/>"Exactly!"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have to let you know that I haven't read or watched Naruto in a long time. This is also my first fanfic in a while so pardon with me, please. I try to update at least once in a week depending on my personal life, do I need to return to work and what else. Prologue is short and the song is Rikollinen (Criminal) by Finnish artist, Vilma Alina. I translated the song to English so you could understand. Now to the fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>PROLOGUE: I swear</strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Conceal the marks, change the sheets</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I fix the lipstick, I hide the bruises</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We kiss quickly at the door</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Outside of this apartment we don’t know each other</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Draught’s blowing in the street, rain’s birching my face</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Washing the scent of smoke from the hair</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I delete the messages, I invent an alibi</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look in the eyes, thinking my words carefully</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I swear</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I swear I’ll take you with me to the grave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Guilty heart yanking in my chest, not giving me peace</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But just as long as I get those sinful kisses on my neck</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s as certain as grey November</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That the criminal always returns to the crime scene</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That the criminal always returns to the crime scene</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I can’t eat, I can’t sleep</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can’t hide the regret in a bottle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I fear that one beautiful word makes me break</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I want to confess it all</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Intermittent films are playing in my head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flashes of our last time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Apartment 16, I knock thrice</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We’ll pay for this dearly in the end</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I swear</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I swear I’ll take you with me to the grave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Guilty heart yanking in my chest, not giving me peace</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But just as long as I get those sinful kisses on my neck</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s as certain as grey November</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That the criminal always returns to the crime scene</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That the criminal always returns to the crime scene</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But just as long as I get those sinful kisses on my neck</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The criminal always returns to the crime scene</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yumi didn’t look at him as she dressed up. She knew there was nothing to talk about. Few drinks at the bar, quick passing to his apartment, even quicker and rough fucking, clothes on and out. It was a scheme which has been replayed between them for a couple of months already. They didn’t greet each other at the streets of Konoha, they acted like they didn’t even see each other. They both were afraid of commitment and it was better to behave like they did now. They both longed for a moment’s amnesty from the missions and weekdays and also some company for the cold and dark nights. They were bandages to each other, nothing else.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi didn’t say a word even when she left the apartment. She didn’t need to. They both knew that the same thing would happen again some night. But they didn’t know how much this certain night would affect their destinies.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 1. One for a story never to be told</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>”Oh, listen now. I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me. It’s just sex between two adults. There’s nothing else about it.”<br/>”You sure?”<br/>”Absolutely.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The next part is up and my next job is to actually plan what I'm writing. :D I'll still try and upload next chapter as soon as possible, during this week or next week. </p>
<p>I'm also quitting smoking and my brain capacity isn't the best possible today (or after today). I apologize for any errors there might be, I really tried to look for them and correct them. </p>
<p>On to the next chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”There’s nothing to talk about. It just happens over and over again. I miss comfort and he gives it to me and he doesn’t want anything else from me. End of story.”</p>
<p>”How can you be so sure?” Iruka asked. He had that frown on his face again. Wonderful.</p>
<p>”Of the fact that the sex is awesome?”</p>
<p>”No.” Iruka rolled his eyes before continuing. ”But of the fact that there’s something between you two.”</p>
<p>”Oh, listen now. I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me. It’s just sex between two adults. There’s nothing else about it.”<br/>”You sure?”<br/>”Absolutely.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi blew a ring of smoke in the air and watched as it broke into many gray curls. She knew Iruka was turning up his nose next to her but he didn’t say anything, not anymore. Earlier there had been talk about how she should quit this unhealthy habit and that Asuma was bad influence to her. Angelic Iruka. He had no bad habits unless you counted in the sickly interest for one blonde-haired boy. The boy that Yumi protected with her life but who had no idea that his aunt was breathing the same air. Nonetheless the boy knew he had an aunt. Only Hokage-sama knew that fact. It was yet again one of those dearly guarded secrets that Yumi wanted to keep. It was easier to go at nights and cut the hair of those who had touched that innocent child. Naruto hadn’t got the chance to decide the stars he was born under. Yumi cursed quietly and stomped on her cigarette.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wind blew familiar scent on her face and Yumi froze. She shouldn’t look. She shouldn’t know. The images of last night started to play in her head. How she had moaned and asked for more. How she had gotten what she wanted and something more. How that silver hair felt against her neck. Hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Got to go. Sorry, Iruka.”</p>
<p>”See you.”</p>
<p>”Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi fled quicker than necessary. There he was again with his students. And that little blond was there too. Destiny, what the hell? Yumi jumped on the roof of the bar and fell on her back, swiped the hair away from her face. She didn’t love that man. Not at all. It was all about sex and comfort. That’s it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kakashi froze when too familiar perfume floated in with the wind. For a moment he was about to forget what he was training to his team this time, when some primitive instincts tried to take a hold of him and lead him to the source of the scent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He just and just dodged Sasuke and at the same time he decided to forget all the feelings he might or might not have for Yumi. He didn’t need anyone of whom he cared in that way. It had been seen where the attachment led. To sadness and loneliness. It was better to keep on going like times before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Saturday night. Yumi came from her mission, went home to eat and shower and change her clothes. Then she had escaped the quietness of her home to a bar. She had sat next to same table with Kurenai and Asuma and she had no idea of how many drinks she had been having. At least it was third. The conversation was flowing and they’ve been having fun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Come with me for a cigarette?” Asuma asked and was already digging his pockets for said items. Kurenai didn’t say a word but Yumi saw a smile as Kurenai drank from her glass.</p>
<p>”Coming.”</p>
<p>They stood up at the same time and wandered outside of the building. Yumi inhaled from her cigarette and blew out slowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”What’s going on between you and Kurenai?” She asked quietly before next inhale.</p>
<p>Asuma was about to choke on smoke. ”How come?”<br/>”Even a blind person can see how you look at her.”</p>
<p>”Oh.”</p>
<p>”So?”</p>
<p>”I care about her.”</p>
<p>”And you want to kiss her at the same time.”</p>
<p>”Yeah.”</p>
<p>”How fucking awesome, Asuma.”</p>
<p>”One can’t help his feelings.”</p>
<p>”Yeah”, Yumi sighed and stomped on her cigarette. She entered the building and froze at the door. Silver hair, a mask, one visible eye that was soon fixed on Yumi, freezing her on place. Heart was beating almost at her throat, butterflies flew in her stomach and she enjoyed none of that. She forced her feet to move to Kurenai and she sat next to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”What’s wrong?” Red-eyed woman asked.</p>
<p>”Nothing.”</p>
<p>”Yes, there is something wrong.”<br/>”Let’s not talk about it now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi didn’t notice how Kurenai’s eyes met Kakashi and turned to look at Yumi, who poured large amount of sake down her throat. She knew the pattern between the two of them well enough, the same thing happened between Kurenai and Asuma ever so often but at least they knew what they were doing. Yumi and Kakashi were both out of it and Kurenai almost wanted to play match maker. They needed each other. And yet she could do nothing. For now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kakashi wanted to turn on his heels. The scent of lilies in which blended some citrus. Those innocent, green eyes. Tight pants, loose and purple shirt on her belly and sandals. The sign of Konoha on her hitai-ate which she had tied around her head. Lipstick which would be so easy to smudge. Eye make-up which would run away with sweat, making her look touching and mangled. A tattoo on her right shoulder. Fuck, he knew Yumi’s body from inch to inch, like his own pockets. That hair which would glue itself on her neck and forehead as Kakashi was making his magic on her body. He felt how his body responded to his thoughts and he knew they wouldn’t be able to reach his place this time.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi left for a smoke because she needed to get out. The cigarette, however, bounced from her hand as she was pressed hard against a wall. There were strong arms on the both sides of her face, blocking her escape. But did she want to escape? All of the resistance was gone when lips met her neck and he pressed himself against her. It happened just five days ago but the longing was already strong. Yumi took a hold of the front of Kakashi’s shirt and tilted her head to a side, giving the man more space. Kakashi’s other hand found her breast and squeezed it, making Yumi gasp.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Need to move”, Yumi was able to say as she felt his erection against her thigh. Hell.</p>
<p>”Do we have to?” Growling. Wonderful.</p>
<p>”Yes.”</p>
<p>Yumi didn’t manage to say anything else as she was picked up bridal style. Kakashi jumped effortlessly on the roof of the building and laid her down gently, being on top of her in a blink of an eye. Hips met each other, body against body and lips were on Yumi’s collarbone. Hand roamed in her pants and found its target quickly. Yumi moaned and raised her hips against the hand. She could feel Kakashi’s smirk against her collarbone as he rubbed her through her panties.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The place and time disappeared. And when they finally joined together Yumi knew there was something else. Kakashi wasn’t rough lover this time like he usually was but his movements were tender and measured. Yumi didn’t want to think further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they finally dressed up, Yumi looked at Kakashi. His mask was back on place, hitai-ate covering the other eye and Yumi couldn’t read the look on his face. Kakashi left before Yumi could say anything and even though Yumi wouldn’t want to admit it to herself, she felt a sting in her chest. Hell for a hundredth of times.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night Yumi didn’t return to the bar. She went home, took another shower and brushed her teeth. Looked at the marks on her neck and tried not to think if there was a meaning behind them. There would be a mission next morning. Yumi went to bed early, even though she didn’t sleep much.<br/><br/>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The wind blew at the streets colder and colder and it was raining too. Birds were safely in their nests ja most people were staying inside. Yumi wandered to training grounds ja sat under a tree. Her clothes and hair were absolutely wet but she didn’t care. Thoughts were wandering too much. Iruka had said once that she and Kakashi were using each other. Did they? They were adults and they did their own decisions and neither of them was reluctant to be totally honest. Yumi didn’t need a permanent relationship even though her bed was sometimes cold and desolated. She didn’t want to be responsible of her actions to anyone but herself and when she thought of her past… She didn’t want to lose anyone else. Nightmares of Kyuubi’s attack, Kushina’s death, own team members and teacher’s deaths… they would always haunt her. And she always remembered Kushina when she looked at Naruto. It was bittersweet. She always had a memory of her sister but she couldn’t let the boy know about her existence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi looked at the sky and smiled sadly. The weather was reflecting her mood and she didn’t care if she got sick. Was there any meaning to her life in the end? She was just a piece in a bigger puzzle. She completed her missions with grace, took care of her sister’s son from afar and met her friends. And she had a sex affair with Minato’s student. How fucking awesome, if you asked Yumi.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Why are you sitting in the rain?” Kurenai.</p>
<p>”Why are you out in the rain?” Yumi answered and swiped the wet hair away from her forehead. Kurenai frowned but didn’t sit down.</p>
<p>”What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Was it an inquiry hour now?</p>
<p>”Nothing.”</p>
<p>”It’s something. It could be seen far away.”</p>
<p>”Have you ever thought about the meaning of life?”</p>
<p>”Not really. How come?”<br/>”What do you want from life?”</p>
<p>”I don’t know. Something permanent. You’re in a weird mood today.”<br/>”Nothing’s permanent”, Yumi whispered and stood up. She left Kurenai at the spot and headed home. A mug of tea and warm shower, that would warm her up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another week. And another. Yumi was suffering from constant nausea but didn’t have the strength to pay attention to it. Maybe she had a stomach flu? Or the constant consuming of alcohol wasn’t good for her. When she looked in the mirror she saw a woman with dark circles around her eyes, pale skin and tired smile. When had she slept last time? Nightmares were constant, only the subject changed. She had no appetite. Hokage-sama had ordered her a vacation from missions and Yumi was about to lose her mind in the free time she now had. She almost jumped to the ceiling when there was a knock on the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>”When was the last time you slept?” Iruka asked, frowning, when Yumi opened the door. She smiled and let her friend in. He had a paper bag from which a scent a chicken soup was coming. Yumi headed straight away to bathroom to empty her stomach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Iruka was still standing in the hallway with that fucking paper bag and Yumi felt like sneering.</p>
<p>”Tea?” She just asked and headed into the kitchen.</p>
<p>”Yes, please. Hokage-sama told me that you’re sick so I brought you some food. It seems that you can’t eat though?”</p>
<p>”I don’t think so.” Yumi turned on the kettle in her small kitchen and sat next to the dining table. Iruka followed suit and laid his offerings on the table. Seeing Iruka reminded of Naruto and remembering Naruto made Yumi think of Kakashi. Wonderful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”I asked you when was the last time you slept?”</p>
<p>”I’ve been up for couple of nights.”</p>
<p>”Because of nausea?”<br/>”Yeah”, Yumi lied and rose to put teabags in mugs. She didn’t want to tell Iruka the truth. She doubt that no one else in the village than Hokage-sama knew her surname and it was better to keep it that way. Everyone knew her by her first name only and no one had ever asked for more information. The only thing resembling Kushina were her long, red hair. Only Hokage-sama knew her background and that was how Yumi wanted to keep it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi poured the water in the mugs and put them in front of them. She didn’t look at Iruka, just lifted and dropped her teabag in the mug and back up. She could sense how curious Iruka was but, thank Kami-sama, he didn’t ask.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They drank the tea in silence and Iruka left after telling her about the homework he needed to check. Yumi got the chance to throw the chicken soup away. That bloody smell would linger in her apartment for a couple of days.<br/><br/>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kakashi’s thoughts were wandering for a big time and reading Icha Icha Paradise wasn’t easy. He didn’t want to admit it to himself that he was interested about a certain woman in some way. He had been recently having nightmares of Yumi. She died in different ways and Kakashi wasn’t able to save her. It was torturing and Kakashi didn’t want to think of where that fear was coming from.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He turned the page even though he didn’t remember anything from the last page. He needed to meet Yumi. He had to. Should they talk? It would only make things more complicated. They would keep on going like before and Kakashi wouldn’t say a word about his fears. It was better that way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi just and just dodged a kunai aimed between her eyes. He concentration wasn’t best possible and the ninja of enemy village had noticed it. Poison needle pierced her thigh and Yumi sneered. This was all she needed. She ran to her enemy and sliced his throat open with her katana. Then she took the needle out and looked at the sky as she felt her legs give a way. Mission was complete and she had no energy left. This had been first mission in a week after she had gotten sick. Everything went dark and she wasn’t able to hear someone running to her.<br/><br/>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Damn”, Kakashi sighed as he looked at the red-haired woman and the corpse lying close by. This woman would be death of him literally if he wouldn’t be able to get her to hospital in time. ANBU should take care of the corpse. Kakashi took the woman in his hold and headed to hospital. A place he hated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Yumi woke up there was nobody in the room. She felt dizzy and she had no strength to think about how she was still alive. The room was white apart from the yellow curtains, the machines were peeping and the smell was sterile. Yumi had no strength to move, if she had she would jump out from the window. More rest, was her last thought before falling asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”She’s fine”, Asuma muttered, a cigarette hanging from his mouth.</p>
<p>Kakashi turned to look at his friend. ”Who?”</p>
<p>”A woman you care about.”<br/>”Which is?”</p>
<p>”Yumi, you idiot.”<br/>”Oh.”<br/>”There’s nothing else to say after you fled her to hospital sooner than your team member eats his ramen?”</p>
<p>”She’s just a fellow jounin. We have no room to lose someone as talented as her.”</p>
<p>”Dream on, Kakashi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What dream, Kakashi would wanted to ask but Asuma left. Kakashi didn’t have a dream. Still he was relieved about the news.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”You can leave. You’re both fine.” The nurse smiled after a couple of days. Yumi had been sleeping the whole time and her groggy brain couldn’t comprehend what she heard.</p>
<p>”What did you say?”<br/>”You and the baby are fine. You can go home.”</p>
<p>”I and what?” Yumi’s eyes went wide.</p>
<p>”The baby.”</p>
<p>”There’s no baby.”</p>
<p>”Congratulations!” The nurse smiled and left.</p>
<p>Yumi’s first thought was a word which started with an F and ended with an K. The next thought was how in hell she should tell Kakashi? Did she have to? If she just ended the pregnancy without anyone knowing. But was she that cold of a person?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi buried her head in her hands. This would be a long day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 2. Two for a song never to be sung</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>”You’d give anything for me to touch you. For me to spend just one night with you. You don’t want to commit, you assure me that you don’t want anything from me. But still, when I’ll come close to you, you feel whole for a moment and that’s enough for you.” Kakashi leaned in next to Yumi’s head with only one arm. ”Your heart is beating so fast right now. You act like you don’t want anything from me and yet you’d give anything for me to touch you.” Their chests pressed together. ”Stop acting like my presence doesn’t interest you. Stop acting like a little kid who doesn’t get what she wants. Running has never helped with anything. Tell me, Yumi, what do you want?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm bipolar and now it's depression time. But guess what? I still managed to write a chapter! Writing has always played a part of therapy for me. Hope you enjoy this. I'll try and get the next chapter up during next week.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2. Two for a song never to be sung</p><p> </p><p>Couple of days passed and only person Yumi had told was Hokage. She had refused new vacation because that would have made her go crazy. Okay, she had agreed to take four days to herself. She had to sleep and eat. And she had to speak to someone, preferably to the father of the child. But how in hell she would be able to talk about something so serious to a person with whom she rarely spoke? Yumi cursed and looked at the pack of cigarettes on her table. What she was to do about the whole situation? Did she want the responsibility of something so huge for herself, of something that would depend on her for the next 18 years? Yumi was terrified to say the least and that didn’t happen often. One cigarette surely wouldn’t hurt the fetus if it would be just that one.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi headed to the balcony and sat on the chair. Trembling hands lit the cigarette which should be her last. She really needed to go look for Kakashi or she would lose her mind. She couldn’t make the decision for the man. But how she would be able to shape her thoughts? Hello, I’m with your child? You knocked me up? I’ve got a bun in the oven? Smile speared from ear to ear and turned into tired laughter. Fuck, she was already mental.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi stomped on her cigarette and moved inside. She should make herself look like a human being before heading out. Some kid would be traumatized because of her. The clock was about that much that Kakashi should be at training grounds, if he was at the village. She should wait because she didn’t need the listening ears of the trio next to her.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi hid the black circles around her eyes, added color on her face with make-up and tied up her hair. She still needed actual clothes and she should be going. Not to a bar. Not to the training grounds. Where to? Somehow her legs took her to memorial grave. The attack of Kyuubi. Yumi crouched in front of the stone and squeezed the fabric of her pants. In a moment like this she’d need her sister more than anyone else. She needed advices and support. Yumi closed her eyes and smiled sadly. Their parents were dead. Her sister was dead. And now she was pregnant by that damn man. Had they forgotten protection? There was no other solution. She wouldn’t be able to stand the rejection by Kakashi. She couldn’t be able to hear how… what? What would that man be able to say to her?</p><p> </p><p>”Yo.”<br/>Yumi was about to jump on top of the stone and her hands were looking for shurikens. The voice was too familiar, the scent as well. Was he really saying ”yo” to her?</p><p>”Are you okay?”<br/>What was wrong with him? Yumi felt tears burning in the corners of her eyes. She couldn’t look. She couldn’t speak. Maybe he thought she was just missing someone she had lost. Maybe he wouldn’t do anything but leave her alone.<br/><br/>***</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi didn’t hold his breath as he waited for an answer. Yumi looked scared for some reason and it really peeked Kakashi’s interest. He touched her shoulder to mind her attention.</p><p>”Yumi?”</p><p>Yumi didn’t shake the hand off nor did she move. The touch felt comforting and made Yumi’s heart beat faster. She should say something.</p><p>”I’m fine.” Kakashi felt like rolling his eyes. It was just like Yumi to react like this. He should do something really radical to make her talk. He knew something was wrong and it wasn’t about something small if he knew the red-haired woman at all.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kakashi sat behind Yumi and took her carefully into his lap. In a friendly way, that was what he told himself. He didn’t want to think about how Yumi’s head fit against his chest, the top of her head against his chin. He cared for this woman but didn’t want to admit to anybody how much and in what level. Yumi slowly relaxed in his lap and didn’t move. Something was really wrong.</p><p> </p><p>”You should talk to me.”</p><p>”Didn’t we have a contract that we wouldn’t talk?” Yumi muttered against his chest and Kakashi frowned. He leant backwards and moved her head with his hand so he would be able to look her in the eyes. Green eyes looked elsewhere, however, and didn’t meet his eyes.</p><p>”I care for you, I’ve always had. We might be friends with benefits but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care for you. So tell me where we’re at.”</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t easy to talk about feelings without telling too much. Kakashi didn’t want to admit to anyone but himself that this woman had some larger meaning to him. Hardly that had gone unnoticed by anyone else than Yumi, though. She seemed to walk with eyepatches on her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>”There’s too much going on. I can’t talk about it yet. I don’t know anything about anything.”</p><p>What had he been expecting? Something bigger? Kakashi sighed and let go when Yumi started to scrabble away from him. He missed her immediately. This wasn’t good.</p><p> </p><p>”I have to go”, Yumi said quietly. She didn’t look at Kakashi and that hurt. Autumn was really coming and leaves were falling from the trees. Birds were about to leave. They reminded him of Yumi. They were just hurting each other and it would be better not to see each other again. Kakashi was getting tired of being a bandage and the closeness he was getting from Yumi just wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted to know her better but in the same time he was terrified. They were both ninjas. They could lose each other in a blink of an eye. But still… this plot was just as torturing.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi left home. He would go look for Yumi later on.<br/><br/>***</p><p> </p><p>Yumi leaned against her apartment’s front door and slithered on the floor against it. What the hell had happened? Kakashi had held her in his lap and she had felt so good. That wasn’t part of their plan. That had felt too real and it awoke all kinds of longing and a pile of other feelings which Yumi didn’t want to feel. Could she go to a bar for a coffee? She had to runaway from her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Lights were flashing and music was loud. People were dancing against each other and Yumi pressed herself closer to a person she didn’t know. Asuma and Kurenai weren’t there and Yumi needed a moment’s oblivion. She had only drunk coffee so she wasn’t feeling too high. Music, though, was running through her body and unknown hands on her body felt good.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi didn’t got the time to react. Someone took a hold of her wrist and Yumi knew she would bruise. She was dragged out of the bar and into an alleyway. She was pressed against a wall and the air felt heavy. Yumi knew the person who pressed himself against her, his face only centimeters away from her own.</p><p> </p><p>”Let go”, Yumi said and tried to push Kakashi away. He didn’t take the words to his ears, though.</p><p>”What are you doing?”<br/>”What it looked like?”</p><p>”Uzumaki Yumi, act like an adult for a moment.”</p><p>Yumi froze. That was a secret, right?</p><p>”How you…”</p><p>”I have my ways. Stop running. Believe me when I say that you can’t run from your memories.”</p><p>”What the hell, Kakashi? You haven’t said a word to me in two months and now… What are you to criticize me? We had a deal.”</p><p>”No feelings. No jealousy. No commitment.”</p><p>”Yeah.”</p><p>”You’re still my friend.”</p><p>”Stop”, Yumi whispered and didn’t want to pay attention to her hands which were squeezing Kakashi’s vest.</p><p>”I’m just trying to wake you up, nothing else.”</p><p>”Fucking hell, alright! Do you want to know what’s wrong with me? I’m fucking pregnant! I have a bomb in my belly. And I don’t know what’s going on in the head of the child’s father. I don’t even know what’s going on in my own head. I’m totally out of it! I’m scared and I fall into thousand pieces every night. Then you’d come and act like you care for the first time. You’re making this fucking hard.”</p><p>Yumi shoved Kakashi with all her strength and it seemed like he wasn’t ready for that because he was about to fall. It gave Yumi enough time to run. She just ran without a destination.</p><p> </p><p>Something hit her waist and knocked her over on the field of forest. Yumi felt someone sit on her waist, pressing her hands against the ground. Yumi growled but he didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>”Stay put for a moment and act your age”, Kakashi growled back and allowed his whole weight set on her. Yumi had no chance to escape and all of sudden Kakashi was about to forget everything he was going to say. Yumi’s eyes were full of rage and if the looks could kill… Kakashi grinned. She was like fire and sliver and resembled her sister so much.</p><p> </p><p>”I have every right to hear what you’re going to do now. Or are you saying that the child isn’t mine?” Kakashi got serious. Yumi calmed down under him but Kakashi wasn’t loosening his hold yet. ”Are you going to keep it?”</p><p>”What would you like?”</p><p>Kakashi’s only visible eye went round. What did he want Yumi to do? He wasn’t ready to play home with anyone but he couldn’t tell Yumi to go have an abortion. And, to be honest, he didn’t want that either. Fuck, this was hard.</p><p>”It’s growing inside you for nine months. You’re going to lose the missions sooner or later. You’re suffering from nausea, your body is changing. This is your decision, not mine.”</p><p>”But we’re both responsible of this.”</p><p>”If you’re going to have that child, then I’ll be part of its life and I’ll help you, of course. Until then…”</p><p>”I’m on my own.”</p><p>”Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>How in hell Yumi would have been stupid enough to expect copynin-Kakashi to be interested in a family. He had been alone at school, he had just and just let Rin and Obito close to him, what would have changed? The fact that Yumi wanted something more from Kakashi?</p><p> </p><p>”Could you get up now?” Yumi said quietly and Kakashi did as told.</p><p>”I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need time. It would be better not to see each other for a while.”</p><p>Kakashi nodded. Yumi headed home and allowed herself to cry when there were more than hundred meters between them. She would be all alone with this.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A week and another passed. Yumi drowned her thoughts in missions and it was getting clearer to her that she was going to keep the baby. She just wasn’t okay with ending the life of innocent being. In some way the unborn child reminded her of Naruto. Neither of them had the chance to decide their destinies.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi had tried to avoid everybody and own her life to missions, rest and food. First month had gone by and the worst nausea was over. At least something Yumi was grateful for. She hadn’t seen Kakashi, Iruka, Kurenai or Asuma. Only reports to Hokage-sama and that’s it. Chuunin exams would soon be happening and teachers were busy with their students.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi jumped to the street from her balcony and thought about her destination. She couldn’t stand the silence of her home any longer. Most preferably she would have gone to another mission. Winter would come in a couple of months and the air was freezing. Yumi entwined the scarf tighter around her neck, repaired the coat on her shoulders. She wandered the streets with no destination.</p><p> </p><p>”Yo.” Not again.</p><p>”Well, hello.”</p><p>”What’s wrong?” A frown. A step closer. Yumi moved back.</p><p>”Stop that”, she was able to say.</p><p>”What?”</p><p>”All this ’I care about you as a friend’-thing! Just leave me alone for good.”</p><p>”I don’t want to.”</p><p>”Oh fucking hell.”</p><p>”You don’t want me to leave you alone.” He stepped closer and Yumi moved back. ”You want something else, though. Your body is reacting just to my voice.” Again few steps closer and Yumi’s back hit the wall. Awesome.</p><p>”You’d give anything for me to touch you. For me to spend just one night with you. You don’t want to commit, you assure me that you don’t want anything from me. But still, when I’ll come close to you, you feel whole for a moment and that’s enough for you.” Kakashi leaned in next to Yumi’s head with only one arm. ”Your heart is beating so fast right now. You act like you don’t want anything from me and yet you’d give anything for me to touch you.” Their chests pressed together. ”Stop acting like my presence doesn’t interest you. Stop acting like a little kid who doesn’t get what she wants. Running has never helped with anything. Tell me, Yumi, what do you want?”</p><p> </p><p>Hundred thoughts crossed Yumi’s mind. Kakashi pressed against her so tightly and every reasonable thoughts left Yumi. Kakashi was pulling her in like a magnet. But then all the bad thoughts returned and Yumi moved away from Kakashi. She left him in the spot and this time she didn’t hear steps behind her. What did she want? At least sex, if she was to listen to her body. Maybe something else. She didn’t fucking know! Yumi longed for cigarettes but wasn’t allowed to smoke. Booze, but wasn’t allowed to drink. Mission, but there was none in the close future. Strong arms she had just left. Fuck, she was out of it.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi didn’t know what was going on with him. Maybe he was just pushing Yumi’s borderlines to find out what was going on in her head. He headed to his desolated home and left the shoes next to door. He moved through the living room to his balcony. He hadn’t got much of the furniture. Just a bookshelf, coffee table, couch… Futon in the bedroom and table and chairs in the kitchen. That was about all of it. And he didn’t need anything else. The thing he needed was most likely heading to her own home.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>”I love you”, she whispered quietly as she pierced his chest with her katana. She could see the smile through the mask. Blood was everywhere. Yumi felt like she was drowning in it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yumi darted up in her bed and held the blanket tightly against her chest for a good moment before burying her head in her hands. Streetlights were filtering through the curtains, streets were quiet. How many times did she had that same nightmare. She wasn’t allowed to calm her mind with cigarette or booze, still not. Yumi felt tears burning in the corners of her eyes. Was she a victim? At least she was acting like it. She had to get a hold of herself.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi decided to get up to clean. She made the bed, washed the dishes, cleaned the countertops in the kitchen, the stove and dining table. She took the books to the shelf. She even cleaned the bathroom. Then she changed for her pajamas to pants, jounin vest and shirt and tied the hitai-ate around her head. She took the katana and headed out. Her steps were taking her to the training grounds.</p><p> </p><p>It was dark, cold and desolated outside. It should be autumn but it felt like winter. What did she want from Kakashi? Besides sex of course. Comfort? Safety? Tenderness? Closeness? She should check every box. She’d never tell him about her feelings. She had already lost everyone she had cared for in some way. She couldn’t stand losing Kakashi too.</p><p> </p><p>Yumi trained for a moment and laid down under a tree. She wasn’t going to fall asleep there but it just happened.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi sighed after Pakkun had told him where she was. He headed to the same place and found Yumi sleeping. ”You’ll freeze. Hey. Wake up.”</p><p> </p><p>He watched how Yumi startled awake. Why did he care so much? Oh okay, he knew, alright. He sat down next to Yumi.</p><p>”Chuunin-exams start tomorrow.”</p><p>”I know.”</p><p>”Are you going to watch?”</p><p>”I don’t know.”</p><p>”That would give you something to do.”<br/>Yumi shrugged. ”Maybe.”<br/>”You’re going to keep the baby?”</p><p>”Most likely.”</p><p>”Nice.”</p><p>”Is it?”</p><p>”Yes. In a way.”</p><p>”Good for you to think like that. I’m going to sleep.”</p><p>”Night.”</p><p> </p><p>Yumi left Kakashi although she’d rather gone with him. It was better this way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Three for a book never to be read</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>”You can't tell me you missed me.”<br/>”Why not?”<br/>”Because you have no right to.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry guys, this is short. I just had to update something quickly 'cause it's been a long time since I wrote this. Life got in the way of everything and my personal problems took over. But now it's getting easier to exist again, so I'll be back to writing. I promise that I might go and try to get something up this week because this was short. I'd love kudos and comments and bookmarks and everything so I'll know someone's still reading and enjoying this. Much love. </p>
<p>- kaerutsuki.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>3. Three for a book never to be read</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>We don’t talk <br/>Like people talk<br/>We watch each other’s moves<br/>Indefinite references<br/>You ignore me at the party<br/>Then you’ll call me and tell me there’s something beautiful about me<br/>Who are you afraid of <br/>When you turned your back to me?</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I’ll put my stupid heart into this song<br/>Then you’ll get to know my truth<br/>I’m sorry for I can’t fake a smile<br/>And when you’ll hear this from a radio, you’ll know<br/>The subject is you<br/>It beats so hard that it hurts<br/>Bang bang bang, stupid heart</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>They talk about us<br/>That we’ll be perfect for each other<br/>Yeah, there’s a rumor<br/>My heart wishes for it to be true but it doesn’t know a shit<br/>We’re two strong and fragile people<br/>But together we’ll never be ready<br/>Could you loosen my hold so I’ll be myself again?</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I’ll put my stupid heart into this song<br/>Then you’ll get to know my truth<br/>I’m sorry for I can’t fake a smile<br/>And when you’ll hear this from a radio, you’ll know<br/>The subject is you<br/>It beats so hard that it hurts<br/>Bang bang bang, stupid heart</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>You don’t listen to Bon Iver<br/>But you’re my skinny love<br/>Of course<br/>You don’t want to water this love<br/>So it grows<br/>When the other always wants to stomp on it</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A month went by, Chuunin exams gone by, Sasuke left... So much happened but these things didn't affect Yumi. She was stuck in her homevillage because Hokage-sama was more or less thinking that she wasn't to go back to her missions anymore. That had been his last wish, his last order and Yumi could do nothing more than to follow it. So she'd carry her bomb from destination A to destination B and have no idea whatsoever about how to spend her free time. </p>
<p>She rolled the shuriken in her hands and laid beneath the very familiar tree. What she was to do with the child, she knew absolutely nothing about them! She never wanted any students of her own and she had no other siblings besides Kushina, no cousins... Only Naruto. Naruto, who had gone after Sasuke and Yumi had not even slightest hope to keep an eye on him. </p>
<p>Yumi cursed and let her hands drop on her belly. Strongest desires were over with, when it came to cigarettes and alcohol. She was hungry for sex, though, and Kakashi... she'll let no one else near her in that kind of way.</p>
<p>”Hey.” Iruka smiled and sat next to her. Yumi had been able to tell Iruka about the child few weeks ago and chuunin had taken it to himself to keep watch for her. Iruka brought food, took care that Yumi slept and washed herself and he was acting like a best friend in every kind of way. Yumi wasn't sure if she was able to show her reverence to him. </p>
<p>”Hey”, Yumi said quietly.<br/>”How are you?”<br/>”I don't know, to say the least. Afraid? Anxious? Depressed?” She grinned.<br/>Iruka frowned. ”The baby?”<br/>”Yeah. I don't know how to raise a child! I don't know how I'll survive this on my own.”<br/>”You're not on your own.” Iruka smiled gently and took a hold of Yumi's hand, squeezing softly.<br/>Yumi smiled too. ”You know what I mean.”<br/>”Kakashi-san should take more resbonsibility.” Iruka frowned again.<br/>Yumi sighed. ”He's not that type. He's... laid back. He walks his own pace from day to day and he doesn't take matters like these seriously. I can't go to him and say that 'hey, how about getting together to raise our child together?' He'd freak out and he'll be gone from Konoha under nano second.”<br/>”Do you have feelings for him?”<br/>”No. Yes. I don't know.”<br/>”You should talk to him.”<br/>”Without alcohol? I thought you'd know me better than that, Iruka-kun.”<br/>”You don't need alcohol. You're beautiful and brave. That's enough.” Did Iruka just blush?<br/>Yumi smiled. ”Thanks but I think I'll pass.”</p>
<p>Silence fell over them because Iruka knew when not to push Yumi.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Third month went by and Yumi was glad for not having any nausea anymore. She did everything she could to avoid Kakashi. She knew nothing about Sasuke, didn't know where Naruto was or what he was doing and she for certain didn't want to spend any time in a bar with her growing belly. Hell.</p>
<p>Yumi turned the page of her book and moved her red bangs away from her eyes. She tried to ignore the knock coming from the door because she'd rather enjoy her own company, thank you very much. The knock came again, though. And again. Everytime it was getting louder. In the end Yumi cursed and rose from her chair. She walked through the living room to the entryway and opened the front door. And before she had any chance to register what was going on, she was pressed against the entrance hall's wall, the door slammed shut behind the newcomer and lips were against her own. Yumi blinked and tried to concentrate her eyes on something even though her body was ready to melt against the other person. She saw glimpse of silver hair and that was when she finally knew who was attacking her. She pressed her hands on Kakashi's chest and pushed lightly. The man growled and moved an inch away from her but didn't let her go. Yumi cleared the throat. </p>
<p>”What are you doing here?”<br/>”I missed you.”<br/>”You're drunk.”<br/>”Nope.”<br/>”You can't tell me you missed me.”<br/>”Why not?”<br/>”Because you have no right to.”<br/>”As the father of your child -”<br/>”Oh fuck, Hatake. Let me make couple of things clear for you.” Yumi pushed Kakashi and the man moved away. Yumi's stare was murderous. ”You don't come here at a time like this. You don't kiss me like I'd matter to you. You don't do this to me. Because even I can't handle everything.”<br/>”How you'd know that you don't mean anything to me?”<br/>”Everyone knows it! Great Hatake Kakashi cares only for himself. He doesn't let anyone close to him. He's such a great ninja but in real life he's such a fucking coward!” </p>
<p>Yumi had no chance to react when she was pressed firmly against the wall again. Kakashi's face was inches away from her own and he had no mask on. Yumi had no chance to make certain about the details. His eyes were almost emotionless. Biggest feeling in them was rage. </p>
<p>”Don't act like you know me, because you don't.”<br/>”Yeah, 'cause you don't give anyone a chance to get to know you!”<br/>”Don't you ever shut up? I. Care. For. You. I came here because I wanted to know you're alright. I didn't come because of our unborn child. I came for you, Yumi. Try and make that fit into your thick skull.”<br/>”But -”<br/>Kakashi growled and lift Yumi up. He carried the smaller one in the bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. Then he laid down next to her and pulled her against himself. <br/>”I want to take care of you for the rest of time. Don't push me away. I'll tell you about myself as long as you'd let me stay and make sure you're safe.”</p>
<p>Yumi blinked. And finally nodded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>”That’s the reason right there. Every time I allow someone close to me, something happens. Minato was like a big brother to me, Kushina like a big sister. Rin and Obito, they were my best friends. I lost them all and I constantly see nightmares about what happened to Rin. Now I’ve got three idiots to worry about as well, you also know them as my students. Then there’s you.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this chapter is abit longer than the last one. Still I keep on making cliff hangers and this chapter also contains sex. The thanks go to my fiancé who tolerates me with my ’I shall not smoke anymore’ progress and everything else, to the bands I listen to while writing and, of course, to you readers. I got work now so we shall see how often I’ll manage to update, let’s say that I shall try and update once in a month, at least. See ya’ll! </p>
<p>PS. The song is Under by Alex Hepburn.</p>
<p>- kaerutsuki</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>4. Four for a letter never to be written</strong>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t say it’s over</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>’Cause that would send me under</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Underneath the ground</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t say those words</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wanna live but your words can murder</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Only you can send me under</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Under</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi woke up in sweat. She tried to turn around but she was pulled back against a strong chest. The man behind her sighed but didn’t wake up. Yumi yawned and turned in the hold to meet his face. Kakashi looked peaceful and restful and he was certainly in deep sleep. So much for protection, Yumi grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Kakashi.”</p>
<p>No response, the hold only got tighter. Yumi sighed in turn.</p>
<p>”Kakashi.” She touched his cheek. The man moaned and pressed his face against her hand. No other response.</p>
<p>”Kakashi!”</p>
<p>”Mhmm?” He lazily opened his eye and concentrated it on Yumi whose face were only centimeters away from his.</p>
<p>”It’s hot.”</p>
<p>”Take off your clothes.” He fucking grinned. Yumi rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>”No, you let go.”</p>
<p>”Don’t want to.”</p>
<p>”Kakashi!”</p>
<p>”Is my name.”</p>
<p>”Stop being like that.”</p>
<p>”Like what?”<br/>”Well… like…”</p>
<p>Kakashi sighed and let go. Yumi slid away from his hold even when some part of her would rather stay there, nonetheless the heat. The room felt chilly in contrast against her skin and Yumi shivered.</p>
<p>”I’ll off to shower.”</p>
<p>”I’ll come with you.”<br/>”No, you won’t!”</p>
<p>”What’s the problem? We’ll be saving the water. And I’ve already seen you naked.”</p>
<p>”Then you’ll leave your mask on that bed there. And other clothes as well, thank you.”</p>
<p>”Fine.” Kakashi sighed and started to undress. Yumi blinked. Was he really going to do as she told him? Yumi shook her head and took off her own clothes, dropping them on the floor. She took a towel from the backrest of chair and headed to the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The tile floor felt cold under her feet and Yumi made a face. She turned the shower to warm water and stepped under it. It wasn’t long before male body pressed against her back, hands dropping on her stomach. Yumi’s automatic reaction was to protect her belly but she soon remembered who she was dealing with. This man unlikely wanted any harm to his own child.</p>
<p>”You wanted to know something about me.” Kakashi muttered against her shoulder. Yumi dropped the project of shampooing her hair.</p>
<p>”Yeah.”</p>
<p>”What you’d like to know?” Kakashi took the bottle of shampoo, poured some on his palm and started to rub it to Yumi’s hair. She closed her eyes but Kakashi was clearly careful of not letting any shampoo run from her forehead to her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Why you act so distant towards everyone? I know who you lost and I more or less know how. You don’t need to talk about that. I, also…” Yumi fell quiet. Kakashi knew Kushina had been her sister, right?</p>
<p>”You lost them as well”, Kakashi finished for her.</p>
<p>”Yeah.”<br/>”That’s the reason right there. Every time I allow someone close to me, something happens. Minato was like a big brother to me, Kushina like a big sister. Rin and Obito, they were my best friends. I lost them all and I constantly see nightmares about what happened to Rin. Now I’ve got three idiots to worry about as well, you also know them as my students. Then there’s you.”</p>
<p>”Me?”</p>
<p>”Yeah.” Kakashi took the shower head and rinsed the shampoo away carefully. Then came the conditioner. ”I don’t know what you mean to me but I know that every cell in my body screams for me to take care of you, to keep you safe. I can’t say that you’re like a sister to me considering what we’ve been through together, what we’ll be through. I can’t say you’re my friend because I don’t treat my friends like this. What you are to me, Uzumaki Yumi? Please, tell me, for I do not know.”</p>
<p>Yumi smiled and allowed him to spread soap on her body. ”It depends on what you want from me? You need to tell that first. Then I might be able to conclude the rest.”</p>
<p>Kakashi spread the soap on her breasts and presses his lips on her neck. Yumi was more than eager to allow him a better access. ”I want to… keep you safe. Preferably close to myself. I don’t know? I want to make sure you’re well.”</p>
<p>Yumi placed her hands on his hips. ”Then?”</p>
<p>”I want you and… I’m thinking of you every fucking second when we’re apart. Who you are with, what you’re doing and to whom. It frustrates me. That I can’t be sure you’re not with someone in the way you’re with me. I don’t own you, I know. You’re independent woman, I know. But some primitive want in me wants to make sure you’re not with someone else like you’re with me.”</p>
<p>”You want me to be yours?”</p>
<p>”Yeah.” Kakashi spread the soap on her inner thighs and Yumi shivered. How long ago was it? Too long, that’s what her body thought.</p>
<p>”Why won’t you do anything about it, then..?”<br/>Kakashi growled and pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was hungry but gentle in the same time. Yumi didn’t know how Kakashi did it but he managed to rinse her body and hair without pulling away from the kiss. Kakashi’s hands were suddenly on her breasts, fingers playing with her nipples and Yumi moaned. His lips went to her collarbones and Yumi wrapped her arms around the man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was about something more than sex with which they had been trying to make it to the next day. As Kakashi lifted her into his lap, Yumi felt safe for the first time. She felt completely wanted in a long time. And… no, she wouldn’t think about that. Not now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kakashi gently laid her down on the bedroom’s floor because most unlikely either of them wanted to change the sheets. Yumi was grateful for her fluffy and soft carpet she had bought to the room which she wanted to be most homely, calming and pleasant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kakashi’s hands were everywhere on her body. His lips wrapped around her nipple and sucked gently. In the same time his fingers found her inner thigh, gently stroking the clit and then first finger was inside her as his free hand caressed her side. Yumi bended her back from pleasure and drowned her hands in silver hair. Kakashi’s every move was careful and gentle, not like their earlier meetings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man slightly pulled away but added second finger in her. ”What you want, Yumi?” Was his voice a little hoarse? Yumi grinned and rose her head off the floor, placing her hands on Kakashi’s cheeks.</p>
<p>”You”, she answered and placed a kiss on Kakashi’s lips. The man moaned and withdrew his fingers from her. Yumi felt more than ready for what was to come. And it did’t take long for her to feel Kakashi’s erection’s head inside her. The man looked at her the whole time as he pushed further into her and Yumi didn’t look away. When he was fully inside her, she pulled him to a kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thrusts held their rhythm and they were careful first but got quicker as soon as Yumi wrapped her feet around his hips, her hands taking a firm hold of him. They reached the climax together and Kakashi took care not to collapse on Yumi’s belly. He rolled himself next to her and pulled her against himself. Together they gasped for air and Yumi smiled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That morning neither of them said their feelings out loud. They could sense it from the air and that was enough. Neither of them was sure of what that feeling was. Certainly it was something very special that belonged only to them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi sat opposite Kakashi eating breakfast which he had insisted to prepare. Omelette, steamed vegetables and bacon, also mango. Just squeezed orange juice and tea. She had first wanted to make herself ready for the day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”What do you want to do today?” Kakashi asked. Yumi thought about it for awhile.</p>
<p>”I don’t know. Train?”</p>
<p>”That’s not a good idea.”</p>
<p>”Why not?”</p>
<p>”The last time I checked, you’re pregnant.”</p>
<p>Yumi hummed. ”Did it stop Kushina?”</p>
<p>”You might be sisters but you’re different. Kushina didn’t risk the pregnancy, she wanted so much to keep the baby safe.”</p>
<p>”And I don’t?” Yumi rose up and slammed her hands to the table. Kakashi made a face. He was wrong. This woman certainly had her sister’s temper.</p>
<p>”I didn’t mean it like that.”</p>
<p>”Then you meant it like what?”<br/>”Stay safe, okay?! I get an heart attack every time I heard you doing something reckless.”</p>
<p>Yumi softened up and sat down, finishing her meal in silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Would you like a walk?” Kakashi asked after a while. Yumi nodded. They stepped together in the chilly air, the winter was really coming. Sasuke… Yumi had learnt that the rescue mission hadn’t gone as planned. The only boy surviving Uchiha massacre was still with Orochimaru. Naruto had returned to the village, changing his teacher and Sakura… same thing. Kakashi had nothing but his own missions and lots and lots of free time. Was that why he followed her around like a lost puppy? Yumi didn’t know but also didn’t feel like asking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Where to?”</p>
<p>”I don’t know? Let’s just walk?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They walked in silence and Yumi thought about what was going around in Kakashi’s head. Barely he wanted to be seen with a woman. To think of people’s thoughts… They returned to Yumi’s apartment after an half an hour and Yumi didn’t feel like asking if he was going to stay with her for the rest of pregnancy. She let Kakashi crash down on her couch to read and she herself sat on thearmchair with a book. Somehow they looked like an old, married couple. Yumi laughed.</p>
<p>”What’s so funny?” Kakashi didn’t raise his eyes from the book.</p>
<p>”Nothing.”</p>
<p>”Tell me.”<br/>”No.”</p>
<p>”Then I’ll come over to find out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yumi screamed and rose up, going round the armchair. Kakashi went the other round and Yumi went round to the front of the furniture. Kakashi jumped on the chair and got a hold of her.</p>
<p>”Tell me now.”</p>
<p>”Have you ever wondered how it’ll be like to be with someone?”<br/>Kakashi looked confused. ”In what way?”</p>
<p>”You know.”<br/>”Hmm… maybe sometimes.”<br/>”Whom you’d pick?”</p>
<p>”Maa, I don’t know at all.”</p>
<p>”I guess there’s no woman good enough for you.” Yumi grinned.</p>
<p>Kakashi rolled his eyes. ”There’s someone.”</p>
<p>”Who? Do I know her?”<br/>”Very well, I’d say.”</p>
<p>”Kurenai?”</p>
<p>”No! Are you honestly so out of it or are you just pretending?”</p>
<p>”I don’t know. I know nothing.” Yumi sighed and dropped her gaze. Kakashi frowned.</p>
<p>”Has someone hurt you?”</p>
<p>”Yes and no…”</p>
<p>”Who?”</p>
<p>”I don’t want to talk about it.”</p>
<p>”Sometimes you have to.”</p>
<p>”Fine! I lost Minato and Kushina! I lost my teacher! Everyone I dare to love disappears from my life. I have no right to approach Naruto or tell him I exist. Then you… I can’t read you!”</p>
<p>”Marry me.”</p>
<p>Yumi looked at Kakashi with big eyes. Blinked. And lost her consciousness.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>